the earth is not a cold dead place
by astrovagant
Summary: "We aren't taught about the importance of life on Homeworld." the ruby felt itself jump when Rose Quartz's hand touched its shoulder, a comforting gesture, "We have to learn that on our own." The crystal gems are formed. Everything else is history. (Pre-Canon)


_**Author's Note- **This is my first fic in awhile. I'm currently taking a break from my other fics due to lack of inspiration. Hopefully writing this story will help with that.  
_

_**Warnings:** Because SU has canonically** nonbinary** characters, and because these canonically nonbinary characters are nonhuman, I have chosen to refer to most gems with **it pronouns** for the time being. Further explanation on this will be at the bottom of this story along with the Author's Note. This chapter features some allusions to **anxiety, self worth issues, and bullying**._

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**i. **

**organic**

**_~.~_**

There was silence and darkness and then suddenly, very suddenly, there was light again. The ruby blinked, shocked by the sudden change. It preferred the darkness. It was quieter, more peaceful. It liked the quiet. It liked the warmth and peace of being alone in its gem curled up tight and formless.

But now it was time to work, this job wasn't for the idle. It was on Earth now. It wasn't supposed to be comfortable here. It had to be stronger. It couldn't, _wouldn't, _mess this one up.

It examined its new form, trying to stay calm but failing– it could feel its new form shaking just a bit. Its – skin? That was what they called this fleshy outer shell, wasn't it? It thought so – was a very vibrant red, almost the same color as the ruby's jewel. It lifted its appendage and there it was. The jewel. In the same place that it always was.

The ruby grimaced.

It then observed its surroundings. There were little twittering sounds coming from the taller plant life; they sounded like a song. The sun was out and the sky was, oddly enough, blue. Not multicolored like back at home. And it was warm. The ruby could feel the sun's heat. It basked in it. But this wasn't like Homeworld at all. Everything was foreign here and so _new_ and the sun was so bright.

The gem that had transported them here en masse said something and then they were moving in an awkward clump. The ruby didn't know where they were going, but it didn't know who to ask and it didn't want to sound as clueless as it felt. They didn't seem to go very far, though, before they reached their destination. The ruby tried to peek, but it was too short to be able to see over the other gems. It was probably the smallest gem there. The ruby grimaced again at this thought.

The gem who had been leading them said something else that the ruby didn't quite catch and the crowd began to thin as all of the gems began to line themselves up neatly. It quickly complied as well. It had been right, though; it was the smallest gem here. It suddenly felt even more conscious of its size. It knew that it wasn't younger than the other gems were, at least not by much. It was just _small_.

But now the ruby could at least hear what the dark green moss agate was saying. It proved to be what they had all already heard before in their time training on Homeworld – things about ranking, how to move up the ranks, what was expected of them… and why they had been chosen to work under Rose Quartz.

Rose Quartz was a well known gem. And not because it was a particularly special or rare form of gemstone, no. Rose Quartz, _the_ Rose Quartz, was central to the creation of the Kindergarten. But that wasn't entire story behind why the ruby was here, and it wasn't why any of the other gems were here either. There was more to it than that.

The ruby tuned the rest out.

It didn't know how long the dark green agate spent talking, nor did it care, but when another gem stepped up onto the makeshift stage and every gem in the crowd started shifting towards it like a plant thirsty for sunlight, the ruby decided to look up and see what all the fuss was about. It nearly gasped aloud.

There was Rose Quartz in all of its glory. Tall and beautiful and incredibly soft–looking, with long flowing hair the color of its gem and a general kindness that the ruby could feel radiating off of it like the sun that they were all standing underneath. This who the ruby would work for.

And for the first time since landing on this planet, and the first time in quite awhile, the ruby felt itself smile.

_**~.~**_

It adjusted well enough to its new home. Well, not really, but it was still alive and there were no cracks in its gem, and it hadn't gotten into any serious fights, so that was enough. It was loud here and there were other gems everywhere and not a lot of space for them all to fit and it kept getting angry at the other gems for little reasons though it tried its very best to not.

But the ruby wasn't meant for teamwork. It was a solitary gem. It had always known that.

And of course, the ruby could hold its own in a fight.

On the first week of training, it was finally called out to battle onstage with another gem. It had been waiting for this; the ruby practically bounced into the spotlight, summoning its weapons – gauntlets – with ease. its opponent, an aragonite who was clearly experienced, was strong and fast and very balanced, but the ruby was strong, too, in its own way. It was fast but deceptively strong, its size an advantage in battle. And it could punch.

The match was over quickly.

It hadn't noticed how eerily quiet the audience was until the match was already over. Upon scanning the audience it was easy to discern why.

Rose Quartz had been watching.

_**~.~**_

Rose Quartz came in to watch the ruby's training every time after that. The ruby didn't understand exactly why. It could punch, but it wasn't anywhere near extraordinary or even special. It was just… a ruby. And a runty one prone to embarrassing outbursts at that.

Of course, it wasn't complaining. Anything but that. It was an honor to have Rose Quartz's attention, one that the ruby tried its best to earn.

But gems talked. It could hear them whispering not-so-discreetly when it walked by. They said a lot of things that hurt, things about how Rose Quartz always favored the weak ones, how Rose Quartz only liked the gems with the biggest defects. How Rose Quartz only paid attention to the gems that it felt needed healing. They made sure that they were heard.

The ruby tried to not let these sentiments bother it, but they did. They always did. And then the ruby would calmly walk away before running into the forest once it got out of sight. And it would punch the tall plants with the big trunks that were called 'trees' and the twittering things that were called 'birds' would all fly away at once. It made the ruby feel powerful.

And then it would cry. Quietly at first, but then louder because it wasn't like anyone could hear it. And it would punch some more trees and wait until the feelings of not being enough for anyone ever finally went away somewhat. And it would remind itself that the gems here were all broken in some way – just like it was – and that Rose Quartz _liked_ it that way, and tried to accept it.

It never made it feel any better, but maybe one day it would.

_**~.~**_

"Ruby, may I speak to you for a moment?" the aforementioned ruby's metaphorical heart jumped in its metaphorical chest. Rose Quartz watching the ruby's training was one thing, but talking to it? And as an equal no less?

But now all of the other gems near the tree where it had been sitting quietly were looking at it as if it were some form of entertainment. The ruby clenched its hands into fists but tried its best to not react too obviously. It stood up straight and looked at the gem who had addressed it, Rose Quartz, and nodded decisively in response.

It tried to ignore its own shaking hands that were still clenched into fists and clenched them harder in an effort to steady them. Rose Quartz, being _Rose Quartz_, seemed to have taken a notice anyway. It smiled at the ruby kindly (did it ever smile unkindly?) and lead ruby away to a quieter place.

The forest.

The ruby had only ever been here when it felt like a hurricane inside. It was relatively calm now, save for the ever–present pit of raw feeling that was always somewhere deep inside of it and the mounting fear that it would embarrass itself in front of Rose Quartz somehow. It had never truly looked around itself when it was here alone, trapped in its emotions and trying its best to reign them in. Everything was very green and it could smell rotting leaves undertow. The forest was thrumming with life; it was everywhere.

"Are you wondering why I brought you here, Ruby?" the ruby nodded even though it did. It didn't look up at Rose Quartz. There were damaged plants everywhere and the ruby knew why.

"This forest is completely organic. I've been studying it for years. The plant life here is native to this area." Rose Quartz pointed to a nearby tree that was uprooted and on its side. The ruby could smell the sap oozing out of it, "This tree normally has a family of birds living in it. Multiple generations, in fact. It's empty now."

Rose Quartz then looked at the ruby, "Do you happen to know why this tree is on its side, Ruby?"

The ruby flushed and then looked away. It finally spoke, "Yes. I. Come here sometimes to… think."

"Is that all that you do?" Rose Quartz had a smile on its face still but it was different than the last one. A knowing smile. The ruby blushed harder and started fiddling with its hands. It couldn't look up at Rose Quartz. It couldn't do anything. No one spoke for a time. Rose Quartz waited patiently for a response.

"I'm sorry!" it finally blurted. It didn't know what else to say, "I didn't mean to hurt any of the organic life here, I just… I… I don't know." it truly didn't know. The ruby closed its eyes, bracing itself for the impact of a physical strike or at least a reprimand. Nothing came.

It opened its eyes and looked up to find Rose Quartz with a softer expression on its face, "Oh, little Ruby, I understand. The Earth is very new to you. We aren't taught about the importance of life on Homeworld." the ruby felt itself jump when Rose Quartz's hand touched its shoulder, a comforting gesture, "We have to learn that on our own."

The ruby sniffled. It could feel tears coming, even though it didn't have a reason to cry, not really. Rose Quartz withdrew its hand and waited patiently for the ruby to gather itself somewhat before it spoke again, "I didn't come here to reprimand you, though. You're a good fighter. With some practice, I think that you could be a great one. "

"What?" the ruby's eyes widened. It couldn't remember ever hearing a compliment directed at it; it was surprisingly nice to hear.

"You have massive strength. You can punch, and you're quick on your feet. But you are impulsive. You don't think before you act." Rose Quartz had that same gentle smile on its face as it said this, but the ruby's heart fell nonetheless. It had heard this before, time and time again. It always hurt the same no matter how many times the ruby heard it.

And after hearing this bit of criticism, the ruby was shocked to hear what Rose Quartz said next, "Would you like to be on my personal escort, Ruby? It would be an honor to have you and working with me personally would mean that you can go on missions without having to train with the rest of the troops."

It took a moment for the ruby to understand what Rose Quartz was saying. Was it, did it? Did it really want the ruby to be on its escort? In the inner circle? That meant skipping so many ranks… that meant being put to work immediately and missions and, most of all, being near Rose Quartz.

"I'll give you time to decide, of course. Come to me when you're ready. You know where I am." Rose Quartz then turned its back to the ruby, surveying the damage done to the forest, "Now, can you help me to lift these trees so I can check for root damage?"

The ruby wanted to cry some more, this time out of joy rather than shame, but it smiled instead and got to work. It had already decided what it wanted to do. It hadn't realized until now, but this was all that it had ever wanted.

"Where do I start?"

_**~.~** _**_fin_ **_**~.~**_

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**Notes / Explanations / etc.**

**i. regarding gender pronouns **

Choosing to use it pronouns was a very personal decision for me. A lot of people do not like it pronouns because they are dehumanizing. Because many of the gems are coded as people of color, I can see how it pronouns would seem rather inappropriate. As previously said, using it pronouns for this work was a highly personal decision for me as I have had them used against me in the past. Using it pronouns in this story was a way of reclaiming them for me.

The reason why I chose to use it pronouns for all gems until they choose differently was pretty simple: gems are nonhuman entities. They do not have a human concept of gender, and they are sexless because they are, literally, polymorphic and sentient rocks. As this story progresses I intend to change pronouns around a lot as they vary from person to person (or, in this case, gem to gem).

**Please do not use it pronouns to refer to any person without their permission. Pronouns are very personal, and using it pronouns towards someone who would rather you not is extremely harmful and cruel.**

**ii. regarding story placement **

The beginning of this story is placed in Canada in around 4000 B. C., near what is now called Lake Athabasca. As the story progresses, the characters will probably move around. I chose this setting because of how unpopulated it was (with the help of my lovely girlfriend, who is my anthropology go-to for pretty much everything and saved my poor little uneducated heart while writing this chapter.)

**iii. regarding characterization**

I will be trying to stay as close to canon as possible. I don't view any of the gems, particularly the crystal gems, as neurotypical, because neurotypicality is a human social construct and the gems are shown to have a lot of quirks canonically. I will be incorporating my headcanons into this story very frequently, and everything is of my own interpretation (sometimes I will borrow from other fics that I have read and other people's headcanons as well). Nonetheless, let me know if I seem to be straying out of character. I want this story to be as good as I can possibly make it.

**iv. regarding relationships**

This story will have romance. It will have girls loving girls, and nonbinary people loving girls, and nonbinary people loving nonbinary people, and anything else that I can think of. This fic is 100% not straight on in any way, shape, or form. There will be polyamory. Gender or lack thereof will be explored, sexuality or lack thereof will be explored, romantic orientation or lack thereof will be explored. There will also be a lot of fluff.

This story will not, however, be NSFW in any way, shape, or form. Because Steven Universe is a series that is primarily aimed at children, I won't be writing anything explicit.

**v. regarding general plot**

I hope for this story to go through the entire SU pre-Canon; from the beginning of the war up to the birth of Steven Universe. Because not a lot is known about the war, or about pretty much anything before Steven's birth, I will be taking a lot of liberties and going into headcanon territory often.

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**Author's Note-**

I am not sure how frequently I will be updating. Knowing me, probably not very. I'm not a fast writer. I'm far too perfectionistic to be. I will put up bulletins regarding updates and future stories on my profile, as well as on my SU tumblr blog. My URL is garnetirl. I also have a writing blog at astrovagant.

I really would love feedback on this story! Thank you so much for reading, and do try to leave a review!


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